We felt that this letter from Julie to John was worth sharing because it may have some lessons for us all.
Q – “Why does it seem that all the people I hear about in the community of believers are couples…I am beginning to feel that couples are forgetting about us singles…”
I really appreciate your interesting and earnest questions, so I will do my best to answer them.
Over the years we’ve known many single believers who have found fulfilment in the Lord Jesus as well as friendship with other believers, married and single. In our old age now, we have friends whose marriage partner has slipped over to heaven. Some such people may experience quite severe loss and loneliness, and yet at the same time find a way to live contented, happy lives – by God’s wonderful grace.
It would probably be difficult to find believing couples who deliberately shut singles out of their lives, but some are obviously wrapped up in their own busy lives, or perhaps are somewhat thoughtless.
Some things come out of these situations:
1. No human relationships are perfect although friendship with others is important and perhaps very necessary.
2. Our loving, precious Lord seeks to use every imperfect situation to bring us to a closer, deeper friendship with Himself. Friendship with the Lord Jesus is never disappointing, and is intended to lead us into a very sweet and precious on-going love relationship with Himself. In the final analysis, personal satisfaction and fulfilment are only found in Christ Himself.
3. I am sure that when folk we know talk about church family, and of couples and families, they are including singles in their thinking as a ‘part of the family.’
4. There is an old saying, “To find friends, be friendly.” It’s always better to set one’s mind towards showing friendliness to others, than waiting for them to befriend us. Showing an interest in a couple’s lives, and perhaps offering some kind of helpfulness, will often rebound in friendship being offered back.
5. I think that even, [if not especially!] among Christ-followers, more people than you imagine find it quite hard to ‘break the ice’ and take the initiative in reaching into the ‘island’ of another person’s llfe.
6. We should each maintain unequivocally that although nobody is perfect, and others may let us down quite badly at times, yet Jesus never changes, never fails, and is able to satisfy our deepest needs as no one else ever could. He’s wonderful!
I am convinced that people relate to need easier than to perceived perfection. By that I mean, giving the impression to others that everything is fine in our lives and we’re sailing along through life may well leave another person ‘cold’. Let folk know that you are hurting, lonely, and needy will open up friendly hearts wanting to love and help you.
I’ve sometimes indicated that if someone wants to build a friendly relationship with a neighbour, they are better initially to ask for the loan of a wheelbarrow [or seek a helping hand in some way] than to offer the neighbour a ladder or the like.